This Saturday at 8.30 pm I am imploring everyone to watch trite national lottery quiz show, In It to Win It. The quiz is hosted by Dale Winton, a man whose banality is matched only by his propensity to resemble a newly varnished mahogany table. The questions are simple, the contestants are too, and any entertainment value is marginal at best. You must tune into In It to Win It, however, because it is going head-to-head with the return of Britain’s got Talent, and that’s worse. If you want to have any chance of stopping Simon Cowell’s smug posturing about the merits of a dancing ferret while David Walliams does his joke and Amada Holden moderately exists, then you must support Winton.
Now some people will say that you could watch the programme about China’s Wildlife on BBC4, or the classic Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure on ITV2, or even repeats of Top Gear on the iplayer while you sob profusely into an increasingly soggy poptart. But these are throw away activities, a wasted entertainment choice. They will do nothing to prevent Cowell’s cesspit of cultural faeces returning for a tenth consecutive year. If you want anything to really change you must support Winton.
Now some people will say that there are different ways to engage with entertainment. You know the types, ‘oh go read a book,’ they say, ‘or go for a walk, or attempt some form of meaningful human interaction.’ But we know that that’s all meaningless twaddle. When ordinary people think about entertainment, they think about big powerful TVs in suits, debating across the hallowed halls of primetime ratings. Some weirdos might think that you can entertain yourself with quinoa and a ball of yarn, but we need to think about saving entertainment for the masses. If you want to protect entertainment on the national level, then you must support Winton.
Now some people will say that In It to Win It is just a slightly more tolerable form of the same formula found in Britain’s Got Talent. That they’re both a form of mindless, unthinking tripe that adheres to the same mass marketed principles, and in supporting Winton you are ensuring that the meaning of mass entertainment remains fundamentally unchallenged. But do you think they’d be saying the same thing if they had to sit through another 5 seasons of Britain’s Got Talent? When the funding has been cut to the extent that it’s all sock puppets, and hosted by just Dec? Not a bloody chance! Cut the faff, this is a choice between Winton and Cowell, and if you don’t watch In It to Win It, you’ll never get rid of Cowell. If you want to get rid of Cowell, then you must support Winton.
Remember that your only chance to engage with entertainment in a meaningful way is on Saturday between 8.00 and 10.00. This is your one chance to have a real say on what you want to be entertained by. Forget the nonsense about different ways of being entertained, and hippy dippy alternatives. Being entertained means TV on Saturday nights, and if you want to be entertained in a way that benefits ordinary working people, you must support Winton.